How to Prepare for Divorce Mediation: A Practical Guide

Mediation is one of the most effective tools in divorce — when both parties come prepared. It gives you the opportunity to resolve issues like property division, custody, and support outside of a courtroom, with the help of a neutral mediator who guides the conversation.

In Colorado, courts often require mediation before scheduling a hearing. But even when it's mandatory, mediation is only as productive as the preparation you bring to it. People who walk in unprepared tend to feel overwhelmed, reactive, and frustrated. People who walk in with a clear plan tend to leave with agreements they can live with.

After 25 years of helping clients prepare for mediation, here's what I've found makes the biggest difference.

Know what you want — and what you need

These are two different things, and distinguishing between them is one of the most important things you can do before mediation.

What you want might be to keep the house, or to have primary custody, or to pay as little spousal support as possible. What you need is financial stability, a healthy relationship with your children, and a fair outcome you can sustain long-term.

Before mediation, sit down and make two lists. Your "wants" list is your opening position. Your "needs" list is your bottom line — the outcomes you're not willing to compromise on. Understanding the difference gives you flexibility during negotiation without sacrificing what truly matters.

Organize your financial picture

Mediation almost always involves financial discussions. The more organized and complete your financial information is, the more productive those conversations will be.

Before your mediation session, gather and organize:

• Recent tax returns (at least 2–3 years)
• Pay stubs and income documentation for both parties
• Bank and investment account statements
• Retirement account statements (401k, IRA, pension)
• Mortgage and property valuations
• Outstanding debts (credit cards, loans, medical bills)
• Monthly budget and living expenses
• Insurance policies (health, life, auto, homeowners)

You don't necessarily need to bring all of this to the mediation table, but you need to have reviewed it and understand it. Financial clarity is power in mediation.

Prepare for the parenting conversation

If you have children, the parenting plan discussion is often the most emotional part of mediation. It's also the part where preparation pays off the most.

Think through the practical details before you sit down:

• What does a realistic weekly schedule look like for each parent?
• How will holidays, school breaks, and special occasions be divided?
• Who handles school pickups, medical appointments, and extracurriculars?
• How will you and your co-parent communicate about the children?
• What happens if one parent needs to relocate?

Having thought through these questions in advance doesn't mean your answers are final — it means you can engage in the conversation from a place of clarity rather than being caught off guard.

Manage your emotions — don't suppress them

Mediation isn't therapy, but it is emotional. You're sitting across from someone who knows exactly how to push your buttons, discussing issues that affect your future and your children's future.

The goal isn't to be emotionless. The goal is to keep your emotions from driving your decisions. A few strategies that help:

• Take breaks when you need them — mediators expect this
• Focus on the future, not the past — relitigating old grievances in mediation rarely helps
• Have a trusted person to debrief with afterward — your LLP, your coach, a close friend
• Remember that mediation is a negotiation, not a trial — you're looking for agreement, not victory

The most successful mediation clients I've worked with aren't the ones who suppress their feelings. They're the ones who've processed their emotions enough to think clearly when it counts.

Bring the right support

In Colorado, you're allowed to have your LLP or attorney present during mediation. Whether you should depends on the complexity of your case and how comfortable you feel negotiating on your own.

For straightforward cases where both parties are cooperative, some people do fine with pre-mediation coaching — we prepare together beforehand, and you handle the session yourself. For more complex or contentious cases, having your representative in the room can make a significant difference.

Even if I'm not in the room with you, I can be available by phone during breaks to help you evaluate proposals and think through your options in real time.

Understand what success looks like

Successful mediation doesn't mean getting everything you want. It means reaching agreements that both parties can live with and that serve the long-term wellbeing of everyone involved — especially children.

If you walk out of mediation with agreements on the major issues, even if some of them required compromise, that's a win. You've just saved yourself months of litigation, thousands of dollars in legal fees, and an enormous amount of stress.

And if mediation doesn't resolve everything? That's OK too. Partial agreements are still progress. The remaining issues can be addressed through further negotiation or, if necessary, through the court.